By Peggy Butler
Special to the Journal
Juneau, Alaska isn’t exactly an island, but just the same, to get there you either have to fly or take the ferry.
Zach was raised on San Juan Island and had moved to Juneau where he managed a car rental shop where Jerri also worked. Jerri was a Juneau native who loved to snowboard. So did Zach. After work, they would cross to nearby Douglas Island, where they spent hours snowboarding with friends. This leads into our story: A Valentine’s story about a warm friendship, and eventually an enduring love.
Two years later, Zach’s father, the Friday Harbor agent for Washington State Ferries, asked Zach if he would he like to come back and take over the agent position.
Zach is still doing that job 14 years later. Jerri works as the “terminal supervisor.” The two of them are responsible for the ferry dock—loading and unloading the ferry traffic, and managing the interface with the ferry system.
These two are well known around Friday Harbor. Islanders need them to get off the island: to get to the specialist, to football, basketball and baseball games, to wrestling and tennis tournaments, Sea-tac airport, Bellingham airport, Grandma and Grandpa, and Costco. Their friendly, kind manner softens news of a delayed ferry, a cold or rushed morning commute, or a frightening emergency. That calm, friendly support comes from something special between the two of them that they pass on to the community.
After 17 years together, Zach describes Jerri as “my very best friend. She helps me and I help her – we look out for each other. We talk about everything and just have this great connection.”
“He tolerates my hobbies! I am somewhat of a gadget freak. I have to have all the new gadgets, and he puts up with that,” said Jerri.
“I don’t feel like I’m putting up with anything, we just look out for each other. We’re nice to each other,” Zach said.
In those few words they proved the results of many years, and many dollars, worth of research about relationships. Dr. John Gottman, University of Washington professor and foremost researcher on love and romance, concluded that friendship is the factor that keeps the marriage bond strong. Gottman noted several areas of friendship that help couples bond. Mutual support is one.
The attitude that people are nice, and, as Zach said, “we are nice to each other” relates to another of Gottman’s findings. In his book, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, he refers to “. . . a positive mindset” towards your mate as one of the most important qualities of successful relationships. He says that admiration for your mate changes the way you communicate and makes it easier to resolve problems.
One of the things Jerri and Zach say is that they rarely quarrel, and they couldn’t remember ever yelling at each other.
Which leads back to the gadget freakishness. One year Jerri’s daughter saved all summer to buy an i-Pod touch. Not long after, their dog bit it. Jerri felt so bad that she spent hours watching YouTube tutorials and was able to fix it. From that first experience, her “gadget freakishness” grew. Now she enjoys repairing ‘techish’ gadgets for others. Zach is supportive, and Jerri reciprocates as he pursues his love of guitar.
When the subject of romance comes up they share a comfortable smile across the room. He answers wisely, “Infatuation is all fine and good, but after a time you need something more.”
Years ago his Zach’s parent’s home caught fire, destroying most of their belongings. Islanders set them up in a hotel before the day was over, and began the clean up. Zach and Jerri recall numerous other similar stories on the generosity of island folks. People combined their means to provide a scooter to a young man who needed transportation. They told of financial and other even more personal sacrifices made by numerous islanders for those facing major medical problems.
Valentine’s Day, it ends up, might be about more than romance. For Jerri and Zach, it’s bigger than two people. Through the crowded summer season, or on frigid winter mornings when someone urgently needs that ferry trip – but because of delays or breakdowns it isn’t available, “that’s when we get lots of support from locals,” says Zach. He supervises the top end of the loading lanes and reports that locals drive by and give them “thumbs up” or call to them saying, “you’re doing a great job.”
“Even on the toughest days, people are just nice,” adds Jerri.
Not that there haven’t been challenges, especially when it comes to parenting. Along with the dog biting the I-Pod, there were other more distressing parenting issues. Jerri appreciates how Zach supported her in those moments. She remembers her own mother’s anguished words, “Someday you’ll get yours back—you’ll have a teen-age daughter, and then you’ll understand!” Jerri picked up the phone a couple of years ago and dialed her mother. “Mom, it’s Jerri. I’m SO sorry! I’m sorry for everything I put you through.”
Remember those little candy hearts that you can only find around Valentine’s Day? The ones that have little sayings on them? They are usually pastel pink, yellow or lavender and they say things like “Be mine” or “Kiss me.” Do you remember the one that said “I’m sorry”? That’s part of love too. Like Zach said: Infatuation is all okay, but over time you need more.
