By Mariluz Villa

Special to the Journal

I was in my 30s when my grandparents died. I was devastated.

My mom was suddenly elsewhere taking care of her parents and my main source of childcare had vanished. In retrospect, I had no idea what my mom was going through as she coped with the death of her parents. I could only think of what their passing meant to me.

My grandfather died first, quite suddenly. My grandmother followed three months later. They had been married nearly 60 years.

From my point of view, it was quite romantic that they followed each other so closely. In retrospect, I had no idea how entirely non-romantic their passing actually was.

My mom, bless her heart, has no stomach for anything medical. When my grandmother was in the process of dying, my mom basically did whatever the doctors suggested. The end result was that her darling mother, usually so in control of things, died in a hospital and in great pain, neither of which she wanted.

How could this have been avoided or at least mitigated? Plainly, death cannot be avoided. What’s the saying? There is nothing sure in life but death and taxes? Well, added onto that should be “forms.”

There is nothing sure in life but death, taxes and forms to fill out. Sadly, my grandmother had never filled out the forms needed these days to die a comfortable death at home, surrounded by family. She and my mom never had any discussions about what was desired for end-of-life care. Who knew?

Hospice of San Juan launches a new series of workshops this month to help people take control of that part of life that nearly no one knows how to approach comfortably. It’s called “Coping with Change.”

San Juan Island Library kindly provides space for the workshops, which will be held on the third Wednesday of each month, and gradually has been building up quite a wonderful literary resource on end-of-life care.

Each month, we will offer a topic that addresses fundamental information needs, so that residents of the islands may take back some control over their lives, and the lives of their loved ones (or those they are responsible for).

So those forms: POLST, Advanced Directives, Powers of Attorney (did you know that there are multiple kinds that work in some situations and not others?). How do you find them? How do they get filled out? Why do they matter? And, when do they apply?

On Wednesday, Jan. 21, 6 p.m., you may go to the Library and find out. Cyrus Field, resident of Shaw Island and an attorney with over 20 years of experience in elder care issues, will discuss those forms and how you may use them to make sure that end-of-life not be synonymous with end of control.

When coping with change, sometimes the best approach is to meet challenges head on. Come and find out how to do just that. In retrospect, it’s something I wish my mom and grandmother had been able to do.

— Editor’s note: Mariluz Villa, president of Hospice of San Juan board of directors, is board certified in internal and geriatric medicine, as well as in hospice and palliative care.